Why So Serious?
by Gallowscalibrater
Summary: Robin brushes into the Joker and comes out worse for the wear


Batman sat in his darkened lair watching the tape for the thousandth time.

"Tell the viewers your name." A rough voice spoke from behind the camera which showed a dark figure tied to the chair in a windowless room. Batman had his computers running full speed to ID the location but the only visible thing was the single lightbulb hanging from he ceiling.

"Up yours." A weak voice rose from the figure and the camera man cackled.

"Tsk tsk tsk. We'll have to teach you a lesson in manners."

"You're a deranged homicidal clown," the figure's voice broke mid sentence, "and you're going to teach ME manners?"

More laughter from people around the room. Batman could pick out at least 3 voices one of which was female.

"I like this one," a different voice spoke, "she's got fight." This voice was smoother, dangerously silky.

"What are ya gonna do first Mistah J?" A squeaky voice giggled.

"Shut up and get out of here." The cameraman growled.

"But Mistah J!" The female protested.

"NOW, HARLEY." The voice roared and a squeak was heard before a door opened and shut off camera.

"It's so hard to find good help these days." The figure tied to the chair snarled. "Good thing that she's as indecent as you, Joker." The camera man, the Joker, cackled. "Or should I call you Mistah J?" A raspy laugh rose from the figure in the middle of the room. The camera turned to film it's holder, and the pale face of the Joker came into view.

"Oh Batsy!" He called in a singsong tone. "I do believe this belongs to you." The camera swang back around and zoomed in on the limp figure.

"Don't listen to a word he says, Batman. I'm fine." The figure ducked their head until the Jokers hand shot forward and pulled their hair until they faced he camera. Their eyes were covered in a mask but the Joker ripped it off to reveal a pair of startlingly green eyes that were filled with terror. The face looked gaunt and they had dark circles under their eyes.

"You don't LOOK fine." A chuckle arose and he Joker dropped their head. "And even if you are, little birdie, you won't be for looong." He drew out he last word and dissolved into a cackle. He reached out again to brush their cheek and was met by a snapping of teeth. He jerked his hand back and roared with laughter.

"The little birdie has talons!"

The second man chuckled. "Of course. Batman wouldn't employ anyone who couldn't fight."

"But their name is Robin! Such a cute name! What are you, the third Robin now? You know I killed a Robin once. Clipped it's wings and watched it fall. My good friend, Slade here has experience dealing with birds before too. His Robin didn't die, though. Shame." The Joker mused.

"Shut up." Robin lunged against the bonds tying them to the chair.

"That reminds me. Shall we find out more about our little bird here? I don't even know if you're a boy or girl! What with all the armor. Not like the other two. Skin tight clothes and bare skin was their style. You choose to hide behind Kevlar and dark colors. What happened to red, green and yellow?" The Joker pouted and the camera zoomed in on the black and red armor of their captive. The second man stepped forward and he camera filmed him for the first time. He was clad in a skintight black suit with metal tips on his boots and a utility belt to rival Batman's. the distinguishing feature of his was the fact that he wore a full facial mask. Half was orange with a hole through which stared a bright blue eye and the other half black with no eye hole to speak of. There were four vertical slits in the metal surface where his mouth should be. He held a large blade in one hand and as he stepped up to Robin they struggled futilely against their bonds. Slade stepped up and cut away the ties, lifting Robin up as he did so. Robin scrabbled against the powerful arm clutching their neck but gave up when Slade gripped harder. He brought he knife up and sliced through the cloth of Robins outfit revealing Kevlar and body armor beneath. The knife quickly did away with this and it clattered to the ground.

"Congratulations Batsy!" The Joker turned the camera to face him and grinned. "It's a girl!" He turned the camera back to reveal Robin kicking and scratching at Slade wearing nothing but boy-shorts and a bra.

"Funny. Not what I expected from the Batman." Slade peered up at his caught prey. "Seeing as he's a flamboyant gay I figured he would stick with male Robins."

"He. Is. Not. Gay." Robin choked out, and Slade dropped her.

"You have no idea what he is."

"Yes I do." She snapped and stood rubbing her neck.

"How on earth..." Slade trailed off and the Joker gasped.

"Batsy! You didn't!" The Joker screeched with laughter and Robin growled and rushed at the camera. Slade calmly stepped forward and tripped her, at the same time delivering a blow to the small of her back that sent her sprawling.

"Just because you're sleeping with the Batman doesn't mean you stand a chance against me." Slade drawled as she picked herself up.

"I am not..."

"Shut up." The Joker snapped. "We know its true."

Robin glowered but said nothing Slade stepped behind her and in a few simple moves he had tied her hands behind her back and forced her to kneel before she could even move. He grabbed her short hair and forced her head back before pressing a knife to her throat as she stared into the camera.

"Here's the deal." The Joker said. "If you reveal publicly who you are, we spare the girl. If not..." He trailed off and Slade pressed the knife harder into her skin. "You can be sure we'll have our fun before we kill her." With a quick motion of his knife Slade slit though her bra as the camera swung around to face the Joker again.

"You have one hour. Although I must say, I do hope you don't follow through. I am looking forward to breaking her in." A high pitched scream was heard and it mixed with the Jokers laughter until the feed cut off.

Batman stared at the computer screen and then put his head in his hands. How could he let them get to her? It seemed like such a routine night until they ambushed her in an ally way. He slammed his fist down on the desk denting it.

"I have to find her." He growled to no one in particular. He stood and crossed the room to his wall of weapons and began to load up. The computers beeped and he spun around. It had found a match to the area Robin was being held. Batman grabbed his grappling hook and remote started the Batmobile before instructing the computers to program the destination into the GPS. He revved the engine and sped out of the cave. When he pulled up to the destination he hardly waited for the car to park itself before leaping out and knocking down the door. When his eyes adjusted to the light he nearly screamed in frustration. The room was empty save for the chair he had seen in the video and scraps of Robins suit. Upon closer examination he found a box on the chair. He tore into it and a video tape fell out along with Robins utility belt and a note. He grabbed the belt and the video but hesitated at the note. He wasn't sure he wanted to read its contents. Steeling his nerves he unfolded the note and skimmed it.

"Dear Batsy,

You really don't disappoint. Slade was so sure you were going to turn yourself in to save little Robin here. I figured that you had let people die before to hide your identity and you would do it again. I was right. :o) Now about the girl. She's alive. For now. I figured she was just to much fun to get rid of. I made you a video

The Clown Prince of Crime"

Batman's stomach heaved when he realized the note was written in blood. He would bet it wasn't the Joker's. He returned to the Batcave and nervously inserted the tape into his computer. An image fuzzed into view of Robin with her hands tied to the ceiling completely naked and covered in cuts. Blood ran down her heaving sides and a noise could be heard throughout the room.

Laughter.

That bastard was laughing at her.

"Oh Batsy! I can't believe you! Poor Robin here has paid for your ego." The Joker gasped in between screeches.

"I must admit that was entertaining." Slade was seen polishing his knife. "I won't go into detail but dam is her ass tight."

Robin whimpered as the Joker burst into a fresh wave of laughter.

"Unfortunately that's another tape, Batsy. Another time perhaps." He giggled and zoomed in on her scars. "Tell me, little Robin, what is your name."

Silence. Batman's heart swelled when he saw her strength. His pride was short lived as the Joker planted a knee into her stomach and she made a noise like a dying animal.

"We went over this! What. Is. Your. Name?"

"A-Alex." She whimpered and Batman cringed.

"And who is the Batman?" The Joker giggled gleefully.

"Go to hell." She whimpered and the Joker brushed her face gently as she cringed.

"Now now now. We wouldn't want to bring out Slade's bad side again would we?"

Silent tears streamed down her face and Batman tried to calm his nerves.

"Everyone cracks under torture. It's not her it's the Joker."

"Bruce W-Wayne." She whispered looking miserable.

"Brucie!" The Jokers face came into view. "I guess our game is over, huh? You can find her at 430 South Street. Along with the full theatrical version of what went on. I'm warning you though, by the time you find her, you may not want her." The feed cut off and Batman was already heading to the car.

He pulled up at the old warehouse and burst inside to find Robin sitting curled up in the corner, hidden in shadow. She was dressed in a purple suit that looked like a small version of the Joker's. Next to her were 3 tapes. Batman crossed the room and knelt next to her shaking form.

"Alex, are you ok?"

She said nothing and he scooped up the tapes before standing and offering a hand to her.

"Alex." He repeated. "Alex please get up. Are you ok?" He tried to keep his voice even assuring himself she wasn't hurt badly. The cuts weren't deep and she had been through worse.

"I'm just fine, Batsy." Her voice was rough and uneven. Batman frowned. "In fact, I'm better than ever."

"Alex?"

"I figured out what was wrong." She began to pick herself up. "I needed to smile more. You do too." She raised her face to meet Batman's and he gasped. She had bright red scars pulling up either side of her face.

"My god..."

She began to laugh. A high unnatural sound that bounced off the walls and echoed back at them filling their ears with the scratchy noise.

"Why so serious Brucie?" She giggled. "Why so serious?"


End file.
